SweetLifeStories Diabetes Blog

Reading my horoscope the other day:

Eugene Ionesco once said, “It’s not the answer that enlightens, but the question.”

Yep; it’s all about asking the right questions, which lead me to more queries, and pushes me to question my own thinking and actions. Necessary. Stimulating. Sometimes unnerving. But usually a great challenge and adventure on this road.

Kudos to the sappy horoscope writer and a tribute to the French-Romanian playwright Ionesco for helping me touch base with what’s important on this roller-coaster ride.

I’ve been crazily busy the last two weeks with really cool pursuits; entering three of my photos into the local state fair, assisting the professional judging panel for three straight l-o-n-g evenings of judging professional and amateur images, running my dog in our very first agility fun match, putting together my first tile mosaic project. All great stuff. And so demanding of immersion and my attention that I started to lose focus on managing my blood sugars.

What a double-edged sword; such joy in throwing myself into tackling projects and activities that make my heart sing, and make me nearly forget about shouldering the physical and psychological burdens that come with living day to day with diabetes. Yet, in the totally blissful immersion of my mind and body, comes an affront in the shape of creeping blood sugar levels that I can feel in my aching hands. Inattention to the diabetes, I guess, gone unnoticed and maybe even subconsciously tucked aside because I didn’t have time to deal with it while having so much fun, loving life and all I’m doing!

When I had an opportunity to print out some photographic images with my friend Eric, president of our local camera club, he posed an interesting challenge to me:  ”To get better and move to the next level, you need to think about choosing a focus, immersing yourself in it, and learning all you can about it; so what topic do you think will be your  focus this year?” And of course, immersed in the context of striving to be a skilled photographer worthy of National Geographic stature, I was willing to struggle with that issue. Portraiture? Abstracts? Landscapes? Cultural Photojournalism? Motion photography?  My mind spun with delight at the possibilities. All important to learn; each one filled with lessons and opportunities.

And then I thought (a little grudgingly, I’ll admit);  Hmmm. Not so different in terms of what I have to do every day and every week of my life with diabetes. Strategize about compositional elements: what makes me strong?  Analyze what’s right, and what’s not working for me. Readjust my position.  And sometimes, hit delete and be willing to start over and forgive myself for my mistakes. Focus, I realize, is key to everything.

Definitely not easy to do when it’s so personal, but I’m still learning, every day, how life and art are so integrated.  CLICK.

While I’ve been working like a dog on preparing photographic images for entry into the local Photography Arts exhibit of the NM State Fair . . . Wait; what lightweight ever came up with such a lame phrase? It doesn’t approximate today’s cushy lives of most family dogs (like my 18-20 hours-a-day sleeping whippets), so I’ll start over and say . . . 

While I’ve been working like a mad dog (yes, that captures my recent workflow perfectly!) on preparing photographic images for entry into the local Photo Arts exhibit of the NM State Fair . . . I’ve been stressing. Didn’t even stop to think, in the time spent editing my images into the wee hours of the morning (lots of finishing up at 2:00, 3:00, even 4:00 a.m. over the last two weeks), that my body would have been much happier with its customary routine of plopping into bed by 1 a.m. Yeah, I know that sounds crazily late for anyone who’s an eager earlybird riser, but 1 a.m. is typically perfect for me!

So pressing on to extend my working hours has had a few repercussions not well accepted by me. Definitely not easily digestible by my endocrinologist or medical team–not that I’m gonna give myself up to them just yet.  I know, down the road, that the HA1C (the gold-standard 3-month measure for checking on the average amount of glucose bonded to my cells over that time period) will rat me out just fine.

So I’ve found myself trying to logically analyze how to control and bring down those HIGH blood sugars of 375, 400, 450 and upward (geez; they’re almost medal-worthy, really, in that I just try to keep plugging on despite getting such high readings).  My thoughts and actions have traveled along this line:  Switch out to a new infusion set/pump-despite having just changed it two days ago.  Throw away that bottle of nearly new insulin and open a new one; somehow, the insulin must have gone bad.  Uh-oh; I’m starting to be insulin-resistant (not a good circumstance for anyone but definitely the pits for someone with Type 1).  That is, I’m struggling to implement a logical plan to bring my sugars down when they’re not so high that I succumb to sleep against my will.

Have any of these pro-active decisions helped?  A little, and too little. But I’ve learned to be grateful for every little miracle in everyday life.

But why no real turn-around? And then it dawned on me; the sneaky slinking culprit.  STRESS. There is no logical comfortable meaningful way to combat the effects of stress, except by getting rid of it. So finally, today, I can say I cast this one culprit out the door. Photos, all photoshopped, are turned in! Stress-b-gone . . . blood sugar just now b creeping downward . . . until the next event.

B well, b happy.  Until next time,  Kathy

Ahhh; just back from 10 days spent in pristine, laid-back, too-friendly-to-believe-these-days Oshkosh, Wisconsin for the amazing AirVenture Fly-in event. My first time there! Near tens of thousands of people matched by thousands of planes from every era; incredible airshows filled with aerobatic stunts (my stomach lurched just watching from the ground, but oh, what photographic and visual joy!), jet fly-by’s, Warbird formations, fireworks; and vendors hawking everything from multi-million dollar aircraft to GPS units to fly-in community developments to food.

What was that? FOOD? Yeah, lots of the usual event-style food. Not healthy, but considering the miles walked every day in the double digits, I got away with eating some of it. The rest of the time, I packed my snacks and lunches, better to control what I ate and actually enjoyed it more. Except, of course, for the soft-serve that made my tongue literally drool. Once in a while, I added that to my meal plan, too. To be honest, I did some quick mental calculations on calories and food values so that the soft-serve and custard actually became my meal plan. To me, it made sense. Like Bill Cosby’s feeding his kids chocolate cake for breakfast while they sang his praises, it ingeniously became an all-inclusive meal for me in one delightful product:  milk = protein and fat and carbs/sugars (tempered by miles of walking). Couldn’t be more perfect! Another dietary blessing on planet Earth! Sigh . . .

what feelings do other people experience when they’re introduced as “a diabetic” — or asked by a well-meaning friend or co-worker, “Should you be eating that . . . you know, since you’re diabetic?”

Here’s a poem shared by my friend Billy Brown, trying his best to live well with Type II diabetes, that will surely push the boundaries of people’s understanding of this disease and its impact on our psyches and lives!

   adjective or noun

           by Billy Brown

“a diabetic”

that’s what she said when

she introduced him

to her friends

no, not

“is diabetic”

nor

“has type two diabetes”

but

this is my husband William

he is

“a diabetic”

she “is”-ed him as if

she was defining who or what he was

as she might refer to

“a paraplegic” or

“a spastic” or

“an epileptic” . . .

(nothing personal

against all those people)

its just that he did not like

the sound of he is

“a diabetic”

as if he were personally responsible

for being criminally addicted to . . .

to . . . to . . . to . . . to

sugar . . .

a boyhood addiction

which any sensible responsible man

would, of course,

outgrow and therefore

he is not a sensible responsible man

but rather an un-self-controlled freak of nature

who should be put on display in a medical zoo

“a diabetic”

Wow; if I could only keep getting the same low blood sugar readings I got all weekend while trekking with a group of friends along breathtaking trails in Ouray, Colorado!  By low blood sugar readings, what I really mean is finding myself somehow, miraculously, in the NORMAL range!  Blood sugars below 130?  YES!!!  All day–for two whole days–while hiking, seeking out great photo shots (no pun intended), and doing all the set-up for them. That was nearly 48 hours, or 2,880 minutes, or 172,800 seconds of bliss. But who’s counting?

Some of you might even know what I mean by feeling normal (which is so rare!)–being able to eat and not take any insulin boluses (or shots, for you non-pumpers) or give it much thought while out and about just enjoying life like everyone else. What a luxury; one that I don’t ever take for granted since they occur so infrequently. Of course, I had to keep testing my blood sugar. While traveling and on active trips, I probably do that even more than I usually do–just to stay safe, keep out of trouble (and any potential emergency situations).

But I’ll admit I enjoyed this experience for all it was worth. And the delightful tastes of reasonable amounts of a delectable pb&j sandwich, ice cream and even chocolate (quite deserving of their very own food categories in the food pyramid of diabetic life) were scrumptious, pretty much guilt-free, and indeed a luxury.  My highest blood sugar after each day of hiking?  123!  Magnificent, even inspirational, no? 

b well, b happy!  Until next time, Kathy

Had a  whirlwind week in sunny CA; the first 3 days in Los Angeles with all of our small immediate family members and a few extended family members (great to see Sue, Ron & Dar!) who flew in to celebrate my son’s graduation with his MBA. NICE! A different restaurant every night, plus visits to fantastical exhibits at the Ghetty (itself an architectural design treasure) and National Geographic’s Water exhibit–thought-provoking and beautiful images of the necessity and scarcity of water at the heart of conflict in human survival–at the Annenberg Center for Photography. 

Then the next 3 days were spent in San Diego, where I got to experience my first real earthquake. Ate dinner with friends in Del Mar, enjoyed a half-glass of wine on the patio, and about 9:30 p.m. PT, felt a rolling sensation. “Hmmm,” I wondered, “Did I perhaps have too much wine? I’m feeling VERY mellow!” Looking around to double-check my senses, I saw other diners doing the same. Then their heads started nodding recognition and acknowledgement; yep, an earthquake! It was a 5.7, centered in the Mojave Desert only 80 miles from where I sat. Everything was ok; no damage, no one hurt. Though just a bit psychologically jarring, as my brain struggled to appreciate being in the “here and now” instead of the OMG dimension of “What IF . . . ???” One big question I later asked myself was: “What if my blood sugar was low and there was no food to be had? What if I (and my family/friends) were trapped in rubble or earthquake debris?” Perhaps needless to say, sleep was elusive that night, resulting in higher blood sugars the next morning!

Now comes the hard work to try getting back into my real-life groove. Need to focus on the dogs by resuming agility training, creating some new pieces of pottery, working in my garden, reconnecting with friends, and exercising so my head, heart, and body feel better and I can start to feel like my old (mostly functioning) self. Reconciling one’s life “post-vacation” is harder than I’d like to admit . . .

hola from the land of swaying palms, sunshine, and heart-stopping traffic.  i’m here for several days to visit my kids and celebrate my son’s graduation with an MBA from UCLA’s Anderson Business School. good times and lots of energy put into realizing one of his dreams, and me left wondering in this weak world economy if the degree and training were truly worth the $100K he will have to shell out over seven long years! As the advertising field has so generously brainwashed us to believe, guess there’s no price that can be placed on the experience and camaraderie!  UCLA friendships and potential biz relationships: PRICELESS!

so i’m off to stroll the beach boardwalk of Santa Monica, family in tow, hoping to catch the sunset and some local action.  more updates later.

b well. b happy.  –kath

The Saturday Albuquerque Century Tour de Cure ride to raise funds toward defeating diabetes was even better than anticipated–despite fighting a high morning blood sugar from my lack of enough sleep! It was so inspiring, in fact, that I made a personal resolution to ride the 3K route next year–about 3.5 miles. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but it’s something I’ve never done before, and I’m thrilled to think about it since riding a bike again is a goal of mine for my post-spinal fusion body . . .   

I got to take over 500 photos of most every group start, vendors, volunteers, and individual cyclists. Like I shared in the previous post, it was great to be behind the camera working to capture all the excitement! The only hiccup was that the riders and volunteers practically melted from heatstroke in the record-breaking heat of 102-104 degrees. The beating sun and temp were definite challenges, but food, water, and the mission to make a difference forged a sense of camaraderie that got us through the day.

Met some amazing people, including one family from Santa Fe whose two-and-a-half year old daughter named TRUE (truly!) captured my heart. She was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at just two years of age, but there she was–scooting around laughing and on her tricycle with a mind of her own! What a dynamo! What a hoot! What inspiration!

Thank you, True, all riders, sponsors, and fellow volunteers for giving me a reason to push on.

Hola, mi amigos y amigas! This weekend, I’m off to shoot (with my camera, that is) cyclists in the Albuquerque, NM Century Tour de Cure ride sponsored by the American Diabetes Association. Looking forward to everything BUT the early start time, when the first group riding 100 miles officially takes off at 6:30 a.m. That means, as a volunteer worker, I get to be there closer to 5 a.m. As I always retort to my father when he cheerfully reminds me that “the early bird gets the worm,” I really don’t care to add worms to my diet all too often!

Getting up and out at 5 a.m. is not the most ideal way to control my blood sugars, but I know the sacrifice (that’s me this time ’round) has to be made. Will just have to channel the enthusiasm and energy of all 600+ riders to get there and into the zen of great photo ops! Once there, I know my adrenaline will kick in and I’ll be totally into each moment, working the camera from all angles to capture the excitement.

Cool; just thinking about it, I feel (a little) better already about the early hour rise time! Since we are what we sow, I’ll find myself shouting, “Go, cyclists, go!” The more, the merrier, as we come together to raise needed funds to cure diabetes and minimize its impact on so many people’s lives!

Now I’m off to set my alarm clock and hopefully rise bright-eyed to the beat of muzak . . .