SweetLifeStories Diabetes Blog

All in my quest to stay active and healthy both physically and mentally, I’ve been calendar-driven and goal-focused to the max. It’s not only friends and family who can’t believe how full my days are; I, too, wonder how I’ll get through most everything on my list. I mentally check off everything a week contains: a writing-critique group meeting, dog classes, 2 clay classes, photography club, calling (and maybe trying to get over to see) my parents. The list goes on and on. But then I take a deep breath and think, So what if not everything gets done? It’s working on the process that counts, and whatever goals and tasks haven’t been “checked off” should be worthy of my continued attention over a longer period of time.

So I am left wondering about the “whys” of overfilling my lists each day, week, month. There’s no doubt that keeping busy staves off overeating and my fears about the future.  But then I take another look, noting that most of my activities are fun. Meaningful, too. Staying so busy, keeping my daily life brimming with learning opportunities and connections with others makes me happy. Provides a road toward new skills, some laughter along the way, and anticipating new challenges with more zest than trepidation.

But I know, too, that building in some give time is essential. “Give time” . . . as in giving meaningful time to connect to others, and allowing myself time to reflect, to revamp direction and some of my efforts, where necessary. Thus comes the big question on how to manage adding too much: 2 new writing groups; 5 dog classes;  a multitude of springtime dog trials and shows; 1 new mentor photography group filled with amazing women and potential friends; weekly visits with one dog to hospice patients; all important, rewarding, and somewhat altruistic, right?

So why the nagging? Why do I still find myself struggling with how to embed the highest priority item of exercise into my routine: walking every day, for instance, or exercising somewhere–anywhere!–to manage my blood sugars, keep my heart healthy, and help my body and mind stay strong after so many years of living with Type 1 diabetes.  So I’m struggling, realizing that the 3-4x I’ve committed to x-c skiing and snowshoeing every winter month–for me an extraordinary commitment–are still not enough.

How much IS enough? Am I being too hard on myself? Or do I reluctantly realize that the Number One priority of physically taking care of yourself every single day when you live with diabetes cannot have much “give” to it month after month, year after year? So many of us can rationalize this issue by saying: both physical and mental nourishment go hand-in-hand. One is void without the other. But I sure wish–I think I wish–I knew the answer!

Until next time. B well, b happy, Kath

My life has been a whirlwind–turned upside down not by the expected stress of the holidays, but by an innocent adorable puppy! I didn’t expect or even want to add a 3rd dog to our brood until summer, but a friend of ours we know through lure coursing with our whippets begged us to “try” her as part of our family–one who is eager to train and work their dogs on agility courses. I have been training Zoe, our 5-year old, for over two years in agility (which is really to say, I’ve been training myself to do the right things!), and we’re finally ready to start competing. The skills classes and agility drills alone have done wonders for keeping my blood sugar levels under control! And they’re so much FUN!  But just how in the world do you just “try out” a dog?    

So our brindled Tesla (whom we call Tess) came to stay the day after Thanksgiving at four months of age. Despite turning down a pup from this litter several times, we were finally and unabashedly worn down by the breeder’s begging and belief in us. And zapped full force by the puppy’s adorable antics! I’m enrolled in not one, but THREE new year’s classes for little Tess:  Puppy Foundations in Agility, Puppy Obedience, and even the much dreaded Conformation Skills (yes, it’s really killer out there in the show ring, much like the world portrayed in the cult classic movie “Best in Show”). All to see what potential this charming beautiful smart-as-a-whip puppy has to offer . . .    

And I’ve unexpectedly found a delightful benefit of training a puppy: Little to no holiday stress or time to fixate on holiday food! No time = no worries. Oops; except for the albatross of housebreaking, which means I have to run, grab some reinforcing treats, and get Tess outside NOW!    

My newest piece of heaven

B well, b happy, b full of spirit and purpose! Happy holidays to you and yours! Until next time, Kath

Yes, I’ve known for quite some time that dogs, especially those who tend to be inbred or aging, can get diabetes. But like the epidemic now surging in Westernized people across the globe, why are so many more of my friends bemoaning their beloved pets succumbing to this disease?

It hit me between the eyes just last week. While I was searching for a new brand of what I hoped to be benevolent (as in, free of most additives and cancer-inducing chemicals) dog kibble for my own beautiful whippets, I saw more than a dozen specialized products on the shelves, specifically for dogs diagnosed with various health issues; digestive, old age, dietary (for dogs deemed too fat), diabetes, and other assorted problems. And I wondered if this phenomenon reflects that we are indeed hyperaware and better able to diagnose health problems in our pets, or whether the increase in specialized pet foods is truly correlated with environmental triggers that attack our pets’ state of health and their very lives. And what does this imply about how we are living our own lives?!?

I don’t have any answers to this; just suspicions. but I don’t like it. Even my oldie-but-goodie oldtimer near-13-year-old whippet Mandy is looking a bit plump and sausage-like. I thought: How embarrassing for a sighthound to come down diabetes! And last week, I actually whispered to her, “Well, if you do come down with diabetes, maybe you’ll go down into the Guinness Book of World Records as the first sighthound ever to have such a disease.” But needless to say, I hope not!  The outcome for dogs living with diabetes is not good; blindness usually comes within a year or two of diagnosis, and lifespans are considerably shortened. I personally watched my close friend Cyn administer two shots of insulin every day to her beloved miniature poodle, and I recall hearing how the dog (and she) suffered through this “fix.”

Not to be stymied, I ran right out to buy special low-cal food, just to circumvent the possibility. And, as an unexpected bonus, Mandy and I are on a regimen of near nightly walks, towed along by my younger whippet Zoe.  Thank goodness for the benefits that come from living with pets! I just might be able to walk myself toward greater fitness and, along the way, stave off a high blood sugar or two.

B well, B happy.  Kath

Strolling through my bountiful garden this sun-drenched afternoon, I noticed the first fallen leaves tucked here and there, curled into warm corners.  It seemed incongruous with my wish for summer to never come to an end; me, just loving summer’s freedom and joy. I’ve lovingly nurtured these plants through spring and summer, coaxing them to provide me with their tasty treasures. Today, plucking some tasty golden cherry tomatoes bright as a golden sun, pulling the ripe red romas, I marveled at the yield and how it has fed me, my family, and so many friends for months. And I thought about the last of the harvest, just a few weeks ahead. I do love fall, even as I wish summer would never end.

So in the quiet time spent watering and filling my waiting bowl, I reflected on more than the nutrients I’d consumed and shared that promised to fill our bodies with superdoses of vitamins; I recalled a poem that recently crossed my hands. I’ll beg the use of writer’s license to change the title from Plant a Garden of Success, to Harvest a Garden of Success, as befitting the time of year, and share its message.

     HARVEST a GARDEN of SUCCESS

1) Plant 5 rows of peas: 

     PATIENCE

     PERSERVERANCE

     PREPARATION

     PLANNING

     POSITIVENESS

2) Include 3 rows of squash:

     SQUASH NEGATIVITY

     SQUASH DIETING (yeah, right) . . .

     SQUASH DEPRIVATION

3) Add 5 rows of lettuce:

     LET US BE POSITIVE

     LET US TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

     LET US BE IN CONTROL

     LET US REWARD OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS

     LET US BE EMPOWERED

4) No garden is complete without turnips:

     TURN UP WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

     TURN UP WITH A SMILE

     TURN UP WITH NEW IDEAS

     TURN UP WITH REAL DETERMINATION

     TURN UP WITH SUCCESS

These, then, must be key to reaping a great harvest in life, and making those everyday obstacles a little less burdensome, no?

Until next time. B well, B happy, Kath

Had a  whirlwind week in sunny CA; the first 3 days in Los Angeles with all of our small immediate family members and a few extended family members (great to see Sue, Ron & Dar!) who flew in to celebrate my son’s graduation with his MBA. NICE! A different restaurant every night, plus visits to fantastical exhibits at the Ghetty (itself an architectural design treasure) and National Geographic’s Water exhibit–thought-provoking and beautiful images of the necessity and scarcity of water at the heart of conflict in human survival–at the Annenberg Center for Photography. 

Then the next 3 days were spent in San Diego, where I got to experience my first real earthquake. Ate dinner with friends in Del Mar, enjoyed a half-glass of wine on the patio, and about 9:30 p.m. PT, felt a rolling sensation. “Hmmm,” I wondered, “Did I perhaps have too much wine? I’m feeling VERY mellow!” Looking around to double-check my senses, I saw other diners doing the same. Then their heads started nodding recognition and acknowledgement; yep, an earthquake! It was a 5.7, centered in the Mojave Desert only 80 miles from where I sat. Everything was ok; no damage, no one hurt. Though just a bit psychologically jarring, as my brain struggled to appreciate being in the “here and now” instead of the OMG dimension of “What IF . . . ???” One big question I later asked myself was: “What if my blood sugar was low and there was no food to be had? What if I (and my family/friends) were trapped in rubble or earthquake debris?” Perhaps needless to say, sleep was elusive that night, resulting in higher blood sugars the next morning!

Now comes the hard work to try getting back into my real-life groove. Need to focus on the dogs by resuming agility training, creating some new pieces of pottery, working in my garden, reconnecting with friends, and exercising so my head, heart, and body feel better and I can start to feel like my old (mostly functioning) self. Reconciling one’s life “post-vacation” is harder than I’d like to admit . . .

Ok; self-introspection is not the easiest thing to do, but hearing from an old h.s. friend in whom I once was interested in dating seems to have plopped me into the “what if” realm of thinking! And that’s sometimes tempting, right? innocent, fun, and a little magical; an escape from real-life challenges . . .

So taking a few mental steps back into my past, I remember the excitement I felt at finding a new friend in my English class (I’ll call him Eric) who seemed as thrilled as me about our topic of studying the poetic lyricism of Simon and Garfunkel, along with a number of other songwriters-poets. And as we connected, I thought: I really like this guy. I wondered: How much do we have in common? Is Eric interested in me? What do I think about how this connection might evolve? Okay, I’ll just admit it; I was smitten.

Truthfully, I was a girl in love, at the time, with the idea of being in love. Magical thinking was a terrific lure from my feelings of self-doubt in those years. Over the next few months, despite my obvious feelings for him, it turns out that Eric let me know he thought of me only as a friend, a sister of sorts. I was crushed, despite his attempt to write a beautiful letter filled with words trying not to bring me down. So who knows what might have been?

I moved on and dated many other guys until finding an amazing friend and partner in my college years with whom I chose to share life’s experiences. I can say I chose well and that I’m happy, even in spite of all the challenges I’ve had to face living day to day with diabetes’ plaguing issues; blood sugar swings, denial, doubting myself and my own worth, countless hand surgeries and shoulder surgery from the effects of long-term abnormal blood sugar levels on microvascular tissues and tendons . . . not to mention the occasional verbal bloopers inflicted on my poor hubbie when my blood sugars dip way too low or jump excessively high. Bless his heart; he actually is often able to find a way to laugh WITH me as he helps me deal with these situations.

But thinking back–way back to the magical lure of high school years–I recall feeling tremors to the pit of my soul. It’s because you’re flawed, I heard inside my own head. He doesn’t want to take on someone with diabetes . . .  and You’ll never find anyone willing to be with you. I was angry and necessarily distant, at least for a while, while I grappled with these feelings.

These are just a few of the emotional issues that get inside my head, living so long with this devil of a disease.  And through years of meeting people–whether as dates or potential friends or partners–the messages played this same dire song. Unnerving. Questioning. Threatening defeat.

The antidote, I’ve found out over time, is to focus on the here and now; investing my heart and mind in doing things that make me smile and push myself forward. To know that by taking small(er) steps, I can actually reach goals and feel “grounded” about myself and the work I do. And often, that work includes doing things for others; it’s such a magical way to stop focusing on and worrying only about me and my own problems.  Learning more, over time, about how to open up and give has quieted the disheartening threat of my fears. 

Traveling this road between “then” and “now”, I realize there is a difference between what my journey might have been and the beauty of what actually IS.

Dec 8, 2009

Of ALL the people who might have considered creating a website and blog for talking about the experiences of living with diabetes, I should come in the bottom of the heap–dead last. But funny enough: I’m not dead yet, and surprise of surprises, here I find myself . . . wanting to hear and share stories about really living–thru good times and bad–with and despite diabetes. And moving on, feeling just a little triumphant, when I manage to be doing okay or even better than ok!

So I’ll just confess: I was a closet diabetic for many years, growing up with diabetes after being diagnosed post-flu at the age of 10 with Type I. Forty-plus years of going to school, teaching FT, caring for others, adopting and raising my own two children: these things have taught me a thing or two about tackling the passions that REALLY keep me moving forward. Traveling, photography, writing, dog agility, losing myself in clay; through these activities, I’ve been able to find happiness and joy. Such pursuits have not only enriched my life but also helped me redefine myself and my journey beyond the everyday drag of diabetes issues. Today, I can finally shout: I AM A WARRIOR–a little tougher, a little wiser, and squaring myself every day to embrace  life!