SweetLifeStories Diabetes Blog

A lot of people think being stubborn is an unhealthy trait. But for me, I can see that my refusal to give in to the impact diabetes has on me physically and emotionally has served a purpose. A great one. And that is refusing to give up on moving forward. Sometimes the steps aren’t easy. Other times I have been furious at being so different from friends and family. I’ve certainly cried my share of self-pity party tears–haven’t we all? I’ve sometimes run away from facing diabetes straight on. But give in? Not yet.

That’s why I read, with interest, this recent article from a 1994-2008 study on just how serious the impact is on most people who have diabetes:

Quotes can be inspirational, but too often they’re a royal pain in the rear–dredging up feelings I’d rather ignore or experiences I’d rather leave in my past.  Too preachy. More often than not, condescending. But sometimes, yes, I’ll admit there are times when a good one comes along that can change your day, light a smile, and inspire you to dig in harder to face some of the obstacles in your path.

I signed up a few months back to get online delivery of daily quotes through Inspirational Daily. Some days, admittedly, I choose to hit “delete.” And just like that, the pressure of having to face someone else’s idea of inspiration is gone (LOL)! But there are other days I’m more open to ponder the connections between how I live my life and the daily quote sent out through someone’s else’s website. Yesterday was one of those days, when my email delivered a doozy to my virtual doorstep and I chose to hit “read.” Here’s what grabbed me:

You’ve got to follow your passion. You’ve got to figure out what it is you love–who you really are. And have the courage to do that. I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dreams.   —Oprah Winfrey

Well, dear Oprah, there’s a reason your quote reasonated with me! It’s through digging deep into what I love to do that I can forget my worries about living with long-term diabetes. Instead of being tempted by foods I shouldn’t eat 24/7, I’m happy to be digging in my garden until my blood sugar drops so low that I have to legitimately eat! I’m carried away by shaping clay on my humming potter’s wheel into a miraculous vessel, or trying to master applying a Photoshop action to one of my beloved photographs, or making the right connection with one of my sweet dogs so that she goes sailing over jumps and swishes perfectly through her agility weave poles . . .  It’s all beautiful when those efforts work.

Kath on potters wheel in Japan

It doesn’t really matter what your passions and talents are. They’re “happiness channels”–there for the taking, helping us feel better about ourselves. My happiness makes those around me happier, too. But most important for me, my passions move me into another dimension–one far removed from the everyday burdens of living with (and worrying about) diabetes. I am someone else in the time I spend passionately engaged in things I love to do. That, alone, is worth the time and space it takes to grapple with the daily onslaught of quotes delivered to my virtual doorstep!

B well, b happy, and pursue your passions. Somehow, they are all magically linked!

Until next time, kath

World Diabetes Day is not something I’d admit giving much thought to, but then I clicked on a few links to read about so many people’s efforts trying corral awareness about the epidemic of diabetes in the U.S. and around the globe. Most of the planned activities and information is about Type 2. That’s not me, I thought. But scanning the Twitter postings, I still gasped when I read this mind-boggling projection:  It is estimated that 1 in 3 Americans will get Type 2 diabetes by 2050.

Wow! That means that of nearly every family I know, one member of that family to whom I’m connected by blood or friendship will become diabetic.  Of course, these projected stats are really pointed toward adults in their 30′s and older. But where I live in New Mexico, even now there is an epidemic of young people being diagnosed with Type 2 in their teens! In the last decade, the number of Hispanics and Native Americans succumbing to diabetes has opened an equal opportunity door to admit every ethnicity you can name.

Many of these new diabetics have to go on insulin. And despite the life-lengthening promise of insulin, it has a darker side. I know about that side because I’ve been taking insulin either through single daily injections, twice daily injections, four times-a-day injections, five-times-a-day injections, extra when-I’ve-been-sick-with-the-flu injections, and 24/7 insulin-delivered-through-a-pump “injections” for an unbelievable 46 years and 7 months. So despite its helpful properties to keep me going, it’s definitely not a cure for diabetes.

Just for the sake of having some admittedly distorted fun, I converted the length of time I’ve been taking insulin to try to ward off the evil complications of diabetes. That calculates to approximately 17,045 days or 2,435 weeks I’ve had the dubious honor of living with diabetes.  Today, my blood sugar’s a little on the high side, and I am sitting here with time on my hands, waiting for the extra insulin I just took to help lower it. But who’s counting?!?

In a further push toward masochism, my curiosity got the better of my self-control (always my nemesis, anyway) which warned me not to proceed in this direction, so I then tried to determine the number of insulin injections I’ve taken over 46 years and 7 months. In just the first 15 years of having diabetes, my average was 22,000 insulin injections! That’s a human pincusion, for goodness sake;  a government war-time experiment gone wrong, of sorts . . . 

And how many shots have I taken in the remaining 28 years? Hmmm–impossible to calculate, as I’ve been on an insulin pump that delivers insulin to me 24/7. That is, when it doesn’t clog up, run down, get detached from my body for water sports, or been set aside the relatively few times I’ve been hospitalized and on a scene-stealing I.V.

All of this amounts to a staggering impact on just one person’s life circle. So the growing epidemic is, indeed, mind-boggling in its menacing march. Beyond my grumblings about who might be responsible for this plight and my occasional epithats at the obstacles thrown at me, I still have to laugh at the craziness of it all, the ups and downs, the behaviors and scenes engendered by diabetes. What other choice is there? Usually, the laughter restores me, keeping me sane from the worry than can be so consuming.

Yet it’s interesting that I also feel a sense of honor–appreciation, if you will–to be in relatively good health after so many years grappling with this demanding disease. To live through a challenging experience usually brings deeper understanding, compassion, and a skill-set many others need. It is my hope to share these lessons and understandings along the road toward conquering diabetes–in spite of and because of it all.

So World Diabetes Day, bring it on! I hope the team players win this one.

 B well, b happy. Stare those demons down . . . and laugh just a little.

Until next time, kath

I’m visiting my sister, bro-in-law, and 16-year-old niece in NYC this week. It’s hot and humid, but every time I’m here I wonder at the delights and different ways of life that fill the city.

Just yesterday, for example, I got to walk through the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens for hours by myself, photographing to my heart’s delight. The new herb garden filled me with inspiration for my own southwestern garden and hardscape. When I finally returned “home” and had a moment to spend with my niece Hannah, I told her how much I loved doing things, being passionate about my interests and open to new pursuits. Her simple response? “Every day should be filled with wonder.”

How inspiring her approach to life is! For the first 25 years of living with diabetes, I wasn’t always able to view life around me with so much wonder and pleasure.  Hannah listened and, in her child-on-the-cusp-of-grown-up manner, she reiterated the importance of doing something wonderful every day. That’s a powerful mantra! From the mouths of babes . . . telling us something we already know to be true but is somehow farfetched, at times, when we feel burdened with health or family problems.

Living so long with Type 1 diabetes has not been easy, but it has helped me appreciate every friend and experience I now have. It has made me push myself to learn more, do better, be better. It has forced me to focus. It has pushed me to shape opportunity from challenge. Diabetes has ultimately made me a better person. For all this, I am absolutely filled with wonder!

B well, b happy, b wonder(ful).

Until next time, kath

The curse of always trying to be . . .

Ahhh . . . the quest to always be better (if not perfect)! Shall I name the ways for those of us living with and touched by diabetes?

blood sugar levels

dietary restraints

 remembering to carry snacks (and glucose)

exercising not too much but definitely enough

following a routine

focusing on staying calm and happy

not snapping at our partner/spouse

trying to share just enough info about ourselves with friends and colleagues

meeting our health-care team at least half-way

 improving HA1C levels

being kind to our eyes

enjoying small treats likes tastes of ice cream, a bite of a cookie, and (of course) chocolate

not making ourselves crazy about all the what-if’s

finding friends with whom we’re comfortable sharing some the details of living with this disease

letting ourselves be cared for and loved

giving to and helping others

being happy with our own bodies

smiling–even when it’s hard to do so

moving to a positive state of mind

tackling new ideas, projects, hobbies and interests

BELIEVING that all things are possible

What thoughts and issues don’t weigh us down when we allow ourselves to feel burdened with the impact of life’s disappointments and defeats?

I strive to rise beyond these days. Sometimes all it takes to help is looking at my in-the-moment puppy, so filled with the joy of discovery that I can’t help but hug her and feel renewed. A hug, a connection, a friend. And all is better in my world.

B well, b happy.

Until next time, your friend kath

What’s this world and the human condition coming to when I question the motives of a woman running up to my car in the dark and wildly begging for help?  ”Can you give me a ride home? I live just a few blocks away, all I have with me are my cigarettes and key, and I’m diabetic and about to pass out!”

My heart lurched. But my instincts pressed me to slow down my response while my husband slowed at a stop sign on our way to pick up some dog food. The woman was out of breath running from one vehicle to the next as she said, “Thank goodness! You’re normal! Please help me.”

I looked hard at my husband, already knowing what he was thinking about responding to this unknown. But he waited there, so I leaned over and asked how we could help in other ways. “Can we call someone for you?” (“No,” she said, “I live alone.”) Do you need something to eat? I can give you some glucose or food right now.” (“Arrrrrrh,” she squealed, as she spun away from us toward the next car.)

So troubled was I by this encounter that I told my husband we needed to call the police and see if they could check things out to make sure she was okay; maybe they’d be able to help her. I didn’t want to leave her alone and frightened out there without some kind of backup in place.

After running in and out of a store, we drove around the corner to check on her before placing a call to 911. My prayers were answered . . . more or less. There the middle-aged woman sat in the middle of a nearby busy median, with police officers talking to her and calling for some kind of help. One was a woman, and this reassured me. And at that point, knowing she’d be medically checked out, I had to let it go as we went on our way home.

Yet I can’t help but wonder What if that was me? Or a friend with diabetes in need of immediate help?  Would my response have been any different during daylight? Am I a pushover, or instead, so jaded I couldn’t allow myself to trust anyone out of my comfort zone? And then I wondered if diabetes has become such a hot button–so popular a malady–that anyone and everyone on the street is using it to exact sympathy and help? What an irony in the life of a childhood diabetic; being Type 1, I never thought I’d see the day when diabetes would be so prevalent!

But jaded or not, I cannot shake that feeling of “What if . . . ?” along with the images connected to stories I heard throughout my childhood of people ending up dying in jail cells because no one knew they were diabetic and thought they were ‘merely’ drunk.

Those images and worries spin in my head, round and round. I’ll forever wonder if this woman is okay, just as I’ll replay her plea and wonder how much truth it contained. For now, I have to live with trying to shake being jaded, if only to a small degree. Yet I’m comforted a little by the fact that I tried to listen and offer help that could have made a difference. For me, it probably wasn’t enough, but it was something.

B well, b happy. Make a difference where u can.

Until next time, kath

When Reporters Become Targets

 Perspective

CBS News / AP

Until next time, kath

All in my quest to stay active and healthy both physically and mentally, I’ve been calendar-driven and goal-focused to the max. It’s not only friends and family who can’t believe how full my days are; I, too, wonder how I’ll get through most everything on my list. I mentally check off everything a week contains: a writing-critique group meeting, dog classes, 2 clay classes, photography club, calling (and maybe trying to get over to see) my parents. The list goes on and on. But then I take a deep breath and think, So what if not everything gets done? It’s working on the process that counts, and whatever goals and tasks haven’t been “checked off” should be worthy of my continued attention over a longer period of time.

So I am left wondering about the “whys” of overfilling my lists each day, week, month. There’s no doubt that keeping busy staves off overeating and my fears about the future.  But then I take another look, noting that most of my activities are fun. Meaningful, too. Staying so busy, keeping my daily life brimming with learning opportunities and connections with others makes me happy. Provides a road toward new skills, some laughter along the way, and anticipating new challenges with more zest than trepidation.

But I know, too, that building in some give time is essential. “Give time” . . . as in giving meaningful time to connect to others, and allowing myself time to reflect, to revamp direction and some of my efforts, where necessary. Thus comes the big question on how to manage adding too much: 2 new writing groups; 5 dog classes;  a multitude of springtime dog trials and shows; 1 new mentor photography group filled with amazing women and potential friends; weekly visits with one dog to hospice patients; all important, rewarding, and somewhat altruistic, right?

So why the nagging? Why do I still find myself struggling with how to embed the highest priority item of exercise into my routine: walking every day, for instance, or exercising somewhere–anywhere!–to manage my blood sugars, keep my heart healthy, and help my body and mind stay strong after so many years of living with Type 1 diabetes.  So I’m struggling, realizing that the 3-4x I’ve committed to x-c skiing and snowshoeing every winter month–for me an extraordinary commitment–are still not enough.

How much IS enough? Am I being too hard on myself? Or do I reluctantly realize that the Number One priority of physically taking care of yourself every single day when you live with diabetes cannot have much “give” to it month after month, year after year? So many of us can rationalize this issue by saying: both physical and mental nourishment go hand-in-hand. One is void without the other. But I sure wish–I think I wish–I knew the answer!

Until next time. B well, b happy, Kath

Oh brother, what a week. After returning from the hottest week on record spent in Los Angeles with my kids, the phone call about my results from 5 long days of wearing a Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM) finally came, and the news wasn’t what I expected. The conversation went something like this:

   “Kathy, your HA1C (hemoglobin A1C) was high.”

   “Oh? Well, I’m not surprised. How high was it?”

   “8.7.”

And I thought: OMG, in the years since we’ve been able to measure average sugar levels carried by blood cells, I’d never had a higher number. I felt AWFUL. Actually, like I was really a bad person and deserved some type of punishment.  This . . . despite the fact that I’d been closely monitoring my blood sugars almost every 2-3 hours during the time I was awake, and trying to fight rising glucose level readings. Truthfully, I was terrified, even before the nurse’s phone call. I wondered if, for some unknown reason, I’d started to become what they call “insulin resistant.” Not a good thing when you have to take insulin 24/7 and try to thrive on it!

But then, my thoughts bent on the why’s and ways to problem-solve them were startled by the nurse’s next comment:  “We can’t include you in the Type 1 Study.”

WHAT???? My heart thudded. Me, a virtual poster girl for “talk with me and be inspired about how to live well with–and in spite of–diabetes?”  I was positively horrified. But there it was: I didn’t qualify for the study. I was . . . in a word . . . rejected!

It wasn’t the high HA1C that booted me. The study’s goal is to analyze how much impact the timing of insulin prior to 3 major meals/day impacts control. In my case, being small (5 ft tall when cheating), I’ve learned to try to control my blood sugars and try to avoid big ups and down swings by eating very small amounts of food throughout the day. This works a little better for me than eating a few medium-large meals each day. So, yeah, I’ll admit I’ve known my eating patterns are a little outside the norm. And it turns out that study participants need to eat a lot more carbs at each mealtime than I typically do. So I understand this issue and my (gulp) disqualification from the study.

That reasoning, I can take. The abnormally high HA1C, not. Monday I’m off to the gym. Punishment or reward? It’s such a thin line. Only time will tell.

B well. B happy.  Until next time, Kath

Reading my horoscope the other day:

Eugene Ionesco once said, “It’s not the answer that enlightens, but the question.”

Yep; it’s all about asking the right questions, which lead me to more queries, and pushes me to question my own thinking and actions. Necessary. Stimulating. Sometimes unnerving. But usually a great challenge and adventure on this road.

Kudos to the sappy horoscope writer and a tribute to the French-Romanian playwright Ionesco for helping me touch base with what’s important on this roller-coaster ride.